Saturday, May 28th

Last update:10:41:26 AM GMT

The It

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A 'Transgender' Parody

“Hi Jim. Nice day.”
“Hi Len. Not bad”.
“That’s a lovely Great Dane you’ve got there.”
“No. It’s not a Great Dane. It’s a solid oak cupboard with brass handles.”
(Slight pause. Perplexed).
“Er, it’s a dog.”
“It USED to be a dog. Now it prefers to be a cupboard.”
“But, it’s a dog, a boy dog. It’s got...”
“Only until Friday. They are being cut off to suit its present designation.”
“A solid oak cupboard?”
“That’s it. Got it!”
(a slight smile)
“Okay. So what’s his name?”
“Used to be Harold the Third. Now it’s ‘Cute Razor Wire’ to suit its preference.”
“Sort of has a ring about it.”
“Yes. And its preferred pronouns are ‘Czx’, ‘Rligotz’, and ‘It’. For now, anyway.”
“For now?”
“When it gets its bits cut off, the legs are being removed, too, and it’ll get French polished all over. Needs to fit his present designation.”
“Present designation?”
“Yes, Czx wants to be a U.N. Flag in two months. Wants to join with a Chinese flag of no fixed abode for a while.”
“But, it’s a solid oak cupboard.”
“Only for now.”
“What’s the vet say about it?”
“No vet. Getting a carpenter to do the job. After all, it’s a cupboard.”
“Er, have you seen a doctor about all this?”
“Yes, but he sent me to a psychiatrist.”
“He just sat quiet and gave me some advice... just be the additional support unit your solid oak cupboard needs.”
“Right. So you are okay with it all?”
“Of course, my cupboard needs me. I am determined to be its additional support unit.”
“Got no choice. Its parents were locked up in a kennel for life for not accepting its true condition and designation. And they refused to use its preferred pronouns.”
“What if it decides it wants to be, say, a turnip with gravy?”
“Odd you should mention it, but that’s his next transition after being a flag. Maybe next year, after its holiday with three non-binary binaries. For now it’s my cupboard, or, rather, I’m a cupboard’s support unit.”
(a nervous cough)
“Oh, stupid me! Maybe I will see you and your cupboard, or flag, or turnip next time.”
“Hope so. Good to meet up with an accepting ‘other’.”
“Got to go. Time for a coffee.”
(Waves and starts to walk away)
“Hope its hinges and handles are okay. By the way, your cupboard has just left a message on your shoe.”